We're Darkening the Door ...

                                                      Olivia, age 16

 Kate, age 14

 Jane, age 14

Anna, age 11

These girls are the heart of my life, along with David.

Two of the pictures were taken with 35 millimeter film (Anna's and Jane's), and so we'll get some 35 millimeter film photos of Kate and Olivia, too.

So, July 2012, that's when I am finally writing to the new Our Petty Lives!  David never kept it up because he was just really too busy keeping the household running, taking care of four girls, taking care of me, working a full-time job, and working a part-time job on top of that!  We have the girls taking over more of the chores but often it is more of a chore to get them to do chores than the chore itself!  Still, David is firm with the girls and will not "let them off the hook."  He insists or they get punished.  He is quite right.

I have some fantastic news, some of you already know.  I am not depressed anymore.  I don't have agoraphobia anymore (where I'm afraid to leave the house and live like a recluse).  I have conquered my insomnia and most of my anxiety.  I received a Priesthood blessing years ago that said that I would get better, all better, in this lifetime, and I suppose that time is now!  I have been very ill for 15 years and part of why I quit writing in Petty Lives is all you would have heard about is how very sick I was and it would have gotten old fast.  But I should have been writing about the girls!  This autumn all four will be in Young Women's together for two years, until Olivia graduates from high school!  They have grown up into lovely young women who, despite their reticence to do their chores, are very, very good girls.  They all work on their Personal Progress without any promptings from me or David, they (the three oldest) go to the temple often, all on their own, to do baptisms for the dead.  They love the gospel and each have a testimony and want to serve missions for the church!  They read the Book of Mormon, bear their testimonies, and attend summer seminary.  I am so proud of them.  The four of them will be a big force in their Young Women's with four Petty girls!  Anna already attends some of the activities!  (Otherwise she'd be left the only one at home, I should have had her a year earlier).  Yeah, right!

I have truly been released from hell back to earth, being well for two months now.  We're still cautiously optimistic about my health, but I had a very spiritual experience two months ago that told me that this was the time of my healing.  I am doing everything I can possibly do to get even better, mostly rebuilding my life and getting stronger mentally and emotionally and physically.  The Lord left me with some work to do; but he took away the main things that were holding me back from being able to help myself; the depression and the agoraphobia.  I've been going to all sorts of therapy.  It has been a wonderful time in my life and a challenging one to face all of the work I have to do to get back to "normal".  I also have to apologize for not following Petty Lives because it upset me to read about your productive and happy lives when I was deathly ill.  At the end I had a 50-50% chance that I'd make it.  Some of the members of my family didn't think I'd make it.  David was instrumental in keeping me alive, literally and actively, not just by loving me, although he did that, too.  David is an absolute angel who deserves all of the praise he receives.  He has been excellent to all of us under the face of all of this pressure, not knowing if his wife would live or die, and all of the responsibilities on his shoulders, he pulled it off excellently.  He never raised his voice with me nor did he say anything sarcastic nor anything that could be taken as a put-down.  He was only ever-optimistic and loving.  He treated the children this way, too, not getting mad at them and treating them very well for a father under so much pressure (he did have his limits, though, when 9:00 pm rolled around-- during school time, he would get mad if they weren't in their beds!)  He needed 9:00-11:00 pm to work on his second job.

I can't begin to tell you how this all feels.  It just feels like it was lifted from me, just all gone.  After 15 years of this it is pretty incredible to live a "normal" life, but I have some reintegrating I have to do into my family, church, and society.  Life has gone on for people over these many years and my life hasn't changed-- I've just stayed in my bedroom for the most part of 15 years and so it feels like the world should stop for me and rejoice.  But, life just goes on, as it does for people who pass away.  It seems like there should be some sort of big party-- hey, maybe we'll throw one! -- to celebrate such a thing.  Of course my greatest rejoicing comes with my Lord, Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father.  They've watched over me this enter time, and allowed angels here on earth and beyond the veil to minister to me.  I have indeed not lost my testimony, but rather it has grown very much as I have drawn closer and closer to the Lord in order for Him to succor me.  I appreciate the prayers and fasts that many of you have participated in for my behalf.  You have my love and deep gratitude.  I believe in the power of prayer, and that this has helped me to get through this ordeal and also perhaps has hastened it.

Well, a few things about the girls.  Olivia is sunshine.  She is a firecracker and extremely sociable and very happy.  She's the one who THROWS the parties, not just attends them!  Olivia loves drama and has been in at least a half a dozen plays.  She does an excellent job.  She also likes to work on her blog and play her ukelele!  She has a boyfriend, named Evan (pictured above), even though she does date other boys from time-to-time.  Kate is the "mother" of the home, taking over many of my responsibilities, doing the laundry and the dishes and other tasks without prompting and with great maturity.  She is beautiful inside and out, as are they all.  Kate is a deep thinker and has many questions to ask concerning the gospel.  Jane is our comedienne of our family.  She has a sly, sarcastic sense of humor that is very witty and makes us all laugh.  It is a relief to laugh and this is a great asset to the family.  She has a very tender side, too, and helped me greatly in my illness.  She would lie down on the bed with me and hold my hand.  This meant a lot to me.  She still loves animals.  She reads voraciously.  She reads the classics and college-level books (she's 14 and has been doing this for about two years).  Anna is also a bright spot of sunshine in our family; she can get cloudy as she is the youngest and that three-year difference to her three sisters who are so close in age I imagine brings on some of the angst.  She has a best friend who lives next-door who Anna was instrumental in getting baptized and going to church.  It will be wonderful when they go to Young Women's together.  Anna has the most beautiful, genuine laugh, and it makes us all laugh just to hear her.  She's also excellent at dancing-- she can really move her hips and she looks like Shakira!  Watching her dance brings joy to me.

Sometimes when the girls would come home from school I'd be standing there to give them hugs and I'd just be weeping (out of mental pain), they would all huddle around me in a giant hug and let me cry as long as I needed to, concerned about me.  We've had a lot of hugs!  And kisses.  I am so blessed.

We are going to Nauvoo, Illinois, this Saturday for two weeks to be in the Nauvoo Temple Pageant.  I will not be participating except as a cheerleader and a spectator, I am just not well enough (in shape enough) to do the dances and all of the energy it requires.  Maybe next year!  When it came time, about six months ago, to decide whether or not we'd go to Nauvoo, I couldn't even leave my bedroom.  I left the decision up to the Priesthood holder and David received a "yes" answer.  The girls were thrilled but I was quite concerned, with good reason.  Yet I didn't veto the plan and I went along with it the best I could.  (Perhaps this is part of why I got well when I did so I could be with them!)  I just trusted that it would all be okay.  

My parents are missionaries in Nauvoo and we are coming out at the tail-end of their mission-- we get to stay in their condo and it is a very nice condo-- won't be roughing it as the pioneers did!  I am looking forward to seeing the temple so much, and attending it many times, several with my Mom, and hopefully at least one time with David.  The first week my family will be completely immersed in learning the dances, etc., but the second week they get the days off to site-see and then they perform at night.  They've all been set apart as missionaries; this is considered a mission and we had to be accepted into it; we applied last year and didn't get accepted.  Now that we're in, we can go next year if we choose.  My girls are so excited about it-- we get to ride a train that stops in Provo and goes directly to Burlington, which is about a half an hour away from Nauvoo!  No stops or transfers along the way!  We will get to eat in the dining car, and of course there are bathrooms, and no getting in and out of hotel rooms, in fact the red-capped helpers load our luggage!  The girls are excited to see their costumes (custom-made) and to be in this production.  I know that they'll never forget it and that it will bolster their testimony, that is a big reason why I didn't veto it.  It was for the girls.  

Now David is a good sport-- he doesn't like schmaltzy musicals, and this is going to be a schmaltzy musical!  AND he's in it!  He's grown a beard for it and is going to give it his all-- he's really going to get into it, and I believe him!  He did say the other day that this all has a direct connection with his personal history and as my Great-Grandfather helped build the original Nauvoo Temple there is that connection, too.  It is David's history, too, as being a member of the church.  This makes it more real and authentic to him.  He's so great.  Have I already said that?  I couldn't have married a more charitable, patient, tender, helpful, or wonderful man than David.  He will certainly be rewarded in Heaven.

Well, hopefully now that I have other things to talk about (I felt so self-obsessed before when this illness just kept going on and on and on) I hope to write on this blog regularly (we'll see!)  I love all of you.

Laurie

If you click on their names below it will link you to their personal blogs:

olivia

kate

jane